The title has nothing to do with this blog. But I’ve always thought the term was funny.
Lately I’ve been thrown into more social situations. Some by choice and a lot were sort of by choice. The sort of ny choice outings were suggestions by a trained professional because he thinks I’m a great person and make a great friend. I’ve never been huge on sharing nuggets of my personal life, but apparently it is cathartic to share some stuff with people you’re close to. I’m still guarded and I still refuse to share with some people I don’t feel I can trust. However, I’ve been more inclined to maintain the friendships I was able to make a few years ago simply because trust is rare…
That being said, I reflected on the beginning of my adult life recently. I’m going to be 32 in a few months, but I started thinking about the first friends I made when I was in my early 20’s. My first real adult friends are the ones I’ve kept in contact with the most. I didn’t realize how important friendship was until this year. Close friends matter more than I initially thought. They don’t judge you for who you are and if they do they don’t necessarily treat you like crap for it. Someone recently pointed out that work friends are not the same as personal friends. While that wasn’t the exact wording, it prompted an existential crisis on my end. Why do I try to do nice things? Why do I try to make people smile when they don’t even consider me a friend? Does that make me seem pathetic and needy for trying? But even in thinking that and thinking that I just won’t try anymore, I just can’t stop myself. I still bring that tiny treat in or leave a tiny note to try and make someone smile. I probably should’ve stayed in therapy to figure out why I do that, but I just can’t help myself.
It’s funny though. While I like making people smile, I still absolutely value my alone time. I like going to the movies alone. I like going on walks alone. I don’t like talking on the phone. I like the passiveness of the text message because I don’t have to respond right away. I’m a complex person, but I am who I am at this point in my life. I’ll never stop being nice to people that make me laugh or make for good conversation. Even if those people think of me as a temporary “friend” just to pass the time at work.
Ending this on a random note because this whole post is random. I am writing this during WordCamp while volunteering to record speakers.
I’m currently listening to someone talk about social media and WordPress. I don’t want this blog to be linked to me and would like to keep it sort of anonymous. I obviously won’t talk about work here. However, I also don’t want coworkers trying to talk to me about what I spill on the internet. Lately, I’ve taken a harder stance on keeping work and personal life separate. It’s a good model to follow, but I also like writing my thoughts out. Being at WordCamp reinvigorated my passion for blogging.